芝加哥頂級英語寫作指南：Style Toward clarity and grace

文章目錄

• Style
• Clarity(清晰)
• Nominalization
• Useful Nominalization
• 小心 Noun+Noun+Noun
• Cohesion(銜接)
• Topics
• Metadiscourse
• 小結
• Stress
• Themes
• Point
• Paragraph=Issue+Discussion
• POINTS in Issues
• POINTS at the ends of discussions.
• POINTS in Whole Documents
• Concision
• 刪掉無意義的詞
• 刪掉重複的詞
• 刪掉重複含義的詞
• 將短語替換成單詞
• Not the Negative
• **metadiscourse 冗餘**
• Hedges and Emphatics
• Length
• Long Openings
• Movement and Momentum
• Coordination(排比)
• Resumptive Modifiers
• Summative Modifiers
• Free Modifiers
• Dangling Modifiers
• Ambiguous Modifiers
• Elegance
• Balance and Symmetry
• Emphasis and Rhythm
• 寫在最後
• 參考資料

Style

Have something to say, and say it as clearly as you can. That is the only secret of style.

---- Matthew Arnold

爲什麼優秀的領導者可以思考地比你深入，可以清晰地傳達他的想法。其祕密在於，優秀的領導者通常是一名專業的作家，當他決定要把作品寫得儘可能清晰時，那就相當於決定了要思考地更加的清晰。

當你要在書寫你的作品時，你就是一名作家，而身爲作家的責任就是，把內容寫得儘可能清晰。

But once we decide to follow all the rules, we deprive ourselves of stylistic flexibility. And sooner or later, we will begin to impose those rules real or not on others. After all, what good is learning a rule if all we can do is obey it?

---- Joseph M. Williams

一部實用的作品會告訴你規則，而一部偉大的作品將會告訴你規則的起源。

寫作是一件很靈活的事情，如果你處處被規則約束着，那規則還有什麼意義呢。然而，正如寫作是靈活的，你可以寫得很差，也可以寫得很好，這裏面一定有些規律在裏面，而這正是本文將要告訴你的，我們稱這些規律爲原則，規則不能幫你寫得更好，但原則可以。

注：本文的內容大部分來源於《Style: Toward clarity and grace》和《Style: Lessons in clarity and grace》的整理。

Clarity(清晰)

在這一節，你會學習到如何將一句話寫的清晰，同時你還會學一個新詞，叫nominalization(名詞化)，這會幫助你判斷這句話到底寫得是否清晰。

先介紹兩個原則：

• character應該放在主語的位置上
  (The subjects of the sentences name the cast of characters.)
• 伴隨character的動詞一定要是character的actions
  (The verbs that go with those subjects name the crucial actions those characters are part of.)

根據這兩個原則，我們可以修復一系列Clarity的問題：找到一個句子的character和action然後分別放在主語和動詞上。

舉個簡單的例子：

We discussed the problem.
The problem was the topic of our discussion.

在這兩個句子裏，we是character, discussed是action，the problem是賓語。

第一個句子非常完美地將character放在了主語的位置上，將action放在了動詞的位置上。但是第二句話，主語是the problem，動詞是was，明顯不滿足上面的原則，所以第二句話顯得很難懂。

Nominalization

那麼，這種難懂的句子是怎麼寫出來的呢？仔細看下句子的動詞發現，discussed變成了discussion，也就是動詞變成了一個名詞，我們稱一些動詞或形容詞，變爲名詞的單詞爲Nominalization:

再看一個例子，這是一個寫得很清晰的話：

I SUGGEST that we DISCUSS the issue CAREFULLY.

但是如果我們將裏面的動詞，形容詞都變成Nominalization,再用這些詞來改寫這個句子就會變成：

suggest->suggestion
discuss->discussion
carefully->care

My suggestion is that our discussion of the issue be done with care.

經過變化，character沒有放在主語的位置上,actions也沒有放在動詞上，句子就變得很難懂了。其實除了Nominalization以外，這個難懂的句子還有一個規律，那就是這裏面的動詞，都是一些無意義或者很抽象的動詞，比如這裏的is, be done，另外這些nominalization的詞通常都會以the xxx of 的形式出現，

可以多看幾個例子：

The police conducted an investigation into the matter.
The police investigated the matter.

The committee has no expectation that it will meet the deadline.
The committee does not expect to meet the deadline.

There was considerable erosion of the land from the floods.
The floods considerably eroded the land.

Useful Nominalization

但是以下幾種情況，Nominalization是很有用的：

1.當他鏈接了上一個句子時:
These arguments all depend on a single unproven claim.

This decision can lead to costly consequences.
2.(they name what would be the object of a verb):

I do not know what she INTENDS.

I do not know her intentions.

3.當nominalization可以替換掉the fact that時:
The fact that I denied what he accused me of impressed the jury.

My denial of his accusations impressed the jury.

4.當它指代一個約定成俗的概念時:

Few issues have so divided Americans as abortion on demand.

小心 Noun+Noun+Noun

要小心那些由多個名詞組成的長名詞：

Early childhood thought disorder misdiagnosis often occurs because of unfamiliarity with recent research literature describing such conditions. This paper reviews seven recent studies of particular relevance to preteen hyperactivity diagnosis and to treatment modalities involving medication maintenance level evaluation procedures.

除非這些名詞是約定俗成的，不然我們還是儘量避免它。特別是，當這種超長名詞中有nominalization出現就更應該修改了。它的修改方法就是找到句子裏面的nominalization將變回動詞或形容詞。

比如Early childhood thought disorder(n.) misdiagnosis(n.)
改爲：misdiagnose(v.) disordered(adj.) thought in early childhood

Cohesion(銜接)

在上一節，我們介紹瞭如何清晰地寫出一句話，那麼在這一節就是教你如何清晰地寫出一段話。即使你每一句話都很清晰，但是放在一起，如果你每句話之間都是支離破碎的，那麼這段話是很難看得懂的。銜接其實不僅體現在一段話中，他甚至還體現在段與段之間，section與section之間：

Cohesion的祕密在於，每句話的開頭，一定是舊的，已知的信息，這裏的舊知識可以是前文提過的，也可以是一些常識性的東西，而每句話的結尾則是新的，讀者不知道的信息。

對比下這兩句話，看看flow是怎麼形成的：

Molecules are comprised of covalently bonded atoms. Molecules’ reactions are controlled by the strength of the bonds. Molecules, however, sometimes react slower than bond strength would predict.

Molecules are comprised of covalently bonded atoms. Bond strength controls a molecule’s reactions. Sometimes however, those reactions are slower than bond strength would predict.

但是，難道一個段落中，每一句話都銜接地很好，那麼這段話就算寫得好嗎？每句話銜接地好，我們只能說是cohesion但不能說他是coherence，整體而言，似乎還缺了些什麼。下面就是一個每句話都銜接地很好的例子:

Sayner, Wisconsin, is the snowmobile capital of the world. The buzzing of snowmobile engines fills the air, and their tank-like tracks crisscross the snow. The snow reminds me of Mom’s mashed potatoes, covered with furrows I would draw with my fork. Her mashed potatoes usually make me sick—that’s why I play with them. I like to make a hole in the middle of the potatoes and fill it with melted butter. This behavior has been the subject of long chats between me and my analyst.

仔細看可以發現，每句話開頭都是前文提到過的，似乎銜接得很好，但是看完之後卻完全不知道他想說什麼，甚至忍不住在心裏吐槽：What’s the point? 實際上，這段話至少存在3個問題：

1. 句子中的主語，其實是毫無關係的（沒有相關的topic(話題)）
2. 句子之間沒有一個統一的主題（themes）或觀點（ideas）
3. 段落中缺少一個介紹這個段落的句子（Point）

由這3個問題，針對Coherent我們可以總結出5個原則：

Principle 1: A cohesive paragraph has consistent topic strings.
Principle 2: A cohesive paragraph has another set of strings running through it that we will call thematic strings.
Principle 3: A cohesive paragraph introduces new topic and thematic strings in a predictable location: at the end of the sentence(s) that introduce the paragraph.
Principle 4: A coherent paragraph will usually have a single sentence that clearly articulates its point.
Principle 5: A coherent paragraph will typically locate that point sentence in one of two places.

下面將針對這5條規則講解如何寫好一個段落。

Topics

Principle 1: A cohesive paragraph has consistent topic strings.

針對第一個問題，我們先介紹一個概念topic----話題。話題，是關於這個句子到底說什麼的一個詞或短語。他們通常會出現在主語中，但有時候並不一定是句子的主語，比如下面這些句子。

It is impossible for your claim to be proved.

In regard to this question, I believe more research is needed.

It is likely that our proposal will be accepted.

接下來，我們看一下兩個段落，當你的每個句子的topic都是不相關的，或者都是相關的會怎樣，黑體表示當前句子的topic：

In this paragraph, boldface indicate topics. Particular ideas toward the beginning of each clause define what a passage is centrally 「about」 for a reader, so a sense of coherence crucially depends on topics. Cumulatively, the thematic signposts that are provided by these ideas should focus the reader’s attention toward a well-defined and limited set of connected a paragraph from a cumulatively coherent
Moving through view is made possible by a sequence of topics that seem to constitute this coherent sequence of topicalized idea. A seeming absence of context for each sentence is one consequence of making random shifts in topics. Feelings of dislocation, disorientation, and lack of focus will occur when that happens. The seeming coherence of whole sections will turn on a reader’s point of view as a result of topic announcement.

黑體的部分他們看起來都是毫不相關的，如果我們把這段句子改一下：

In this paragraph, I have boldfaced the topics of every clause. Topics are crucial for a reader because they focus the reader’s attention on a particular idea toward the beginning of every clause . Topics thereby notify a reader what a clause is 「about」. Topics thereby crucially determine whether the reader will feel a passage is coherent. Cumulatively, through a series of sentences, these topicalized ideas provide thematic signposts that focus the reader’s attention on a well-defined set of connected ideas. If a sequence of topics seems coherent, that consistent sequence will move the reader through a paragraph from a cumulatively coherent point of view. But if through that paragraph topics shift randomly, then the reader has to begin each sentence out of context, from no coherent point of view. When that happens, the reader will feel dislocated, disoriented, out of focus. Whatever the writer announces as a topic, then, will fix the reader’s point of view, not just toward the rest of the sentence, but toward whole sections.

對比起第一段，我們發現幾乎所有句子都是有關topic，reader的，這段話就讓人感覺更加的coherence。

最後我們可以總結出兩個原則：

1. 把你曾經說過的觀點或讀者熟悉或之前提到過的事物放在句子的主語或話題中。
   (Put in the subject/topic of your sentences ideas that you have already mentioned, or ideas that are · so familiar to your reader that if you state them at the beginning of a sentence, you will not surprise anyone.)

2. 讓句子間的話題有連貫性。
   (Among groups of related sentences, keep their topics consistent, if you can. They don’t have to be identical, but they should constitute a string that your readers will take to be focused.)

這兩個原則會導致兩個額外結果：

1. 你會發現，你的主動與被動的使用數量都差不多，因爲使用被動有助於你保證句子的cohesion
2. 你會發現你會使用nominalizations來進行開頭，因爲這正是上一個句子的內容，而這也是nominalizations最重要的作用：總結回顧你提到過的東西。實際上nominalizations還適合用來結尾，使得句子到達高潮。

Metadiscourse

有的時候，爲了增加銜接，我們會使用metadiscourse來銜接兩個句子。metadiscourse是一個哲學上的詞彙，他類似於討論關於討論的話題，用在寫作上，就意味着writing about writing. 他通常用於「評論」自己，讀者，及自身作品的內容，而且這些詞是超越了原文的主題的：

• your thinking and act of writing: We/I will explain, show, argue, claim, deny, suggest, contrast, add, expand, summarize . . .
• your readers’ actions: consider now, as you recall, look at the next example . . .
• the logic and form of what you have written: first, second; to begin; therefore, however, consequently . . .

小結

上面介紹了要銜接，開頭是舊信息，結尾是新信息。每句話的開頭，肯定有以下幾個元素是先於其他的話出現的（優先級1最優，直到4）：

• 爲了與上一句話建立聯繫，開頭可以選擇使用過渡的metadiscourse: and, but, therefore, as a result: And therefore

• 爲了讓讀者清楚接下來的話將會是什麼可以用： fortunately, perhaps, allegedly, it is important to note, for the most part, under these circumstances, from a practical point of view, politically speaking

• 動作所發生的時間與地點：then, later, on May 23, in Europe.

• 最重要的是，我們要在開頭給出這個句子的話題（topic）。

Stress

講完如何開頭，現在講下如何結尾。

一個原則：把最重要，最「新」的信息放到結尾處，我們稱這樣的一個結尾爲：Stress.

Global warming could raise sea levels to a point where much of the world’s low-lying coastal areas would disappear, according to most atmospheric scientists.

✓ According to most atmospheric scientists, global warming could raise sea levels to a point where much of the world’s low-lying coastal areas would disappear.

比較上面兩個句子，顯然第二個比第一個要好，因爲他把最重要的信息放在了stress上，而第一個則是浪費了這句話的stress。

除了把重要信息放最後以外，還有一些技巧可以幫助強調：
1.使用There

A few grammatical patterns add weight to the end of a sentence.

There are a few grammatical patterns that add weight to the end of a sentence.

2.使用what

This country needs a monetary policy that will end the violent fluctuations in money supply, unemployment, and inflation.

What this country needs is a monetary policy that will end the violent fluctuations in money supply, unemployment, and inflation.

3.用It把尾巴無關緊要的提上來

That domestic oil prices must eventually rise to the level set by OPEC once seemed inevitable.

It once seemed inevitable that domestic oil prices must eventually rise to the level set by OPEC.

4.it直接用於強調

In 1933 this country experienced a depression that almost wrecked our democratic system of government.

It was in 1933 that this country experienced a depression that al? most wrecked our democratic system of government.

另外，涉及到一些專業名詞的時候，最好把那些困難的概念放在stress處，這樣沒有基礎的人才能看得懂。

Themes

Principle 2: A cohesive paragraph has another set of strings running through it that we will call thematic strings.

接下來我們看一個topic一致的例子：

黑體是topic，他們都是關於researchers/physicians 和testing/diagnosis的。話題很一致，但是卻沒有考慮stress，如果我們能把每個句子中的一些「關鍵概念」都放到stress上，而且這些關鍵概念是貫穿整個段落的，則稱他們爲：Theme.

下面的修正段落，分別用黑體，斜體，大寫表示3類主題: testing, mental states, new problem.

首先看topic，他們都是關於diagnosis， physicians的。與此同時，整個段落都是圍繞着3個主題展開的，特別注意第一句話的stress處，他給出了整個段落的主題（斜體+大寫）

Point

Principle 3: A cohesive paragraph introduces new topic and thematic strings in a predictable location: at the end of the sentence(s) that introduce the paragraph.
Principle 4: A coherent paragraph will usually have a single sentence that clearly articulates its point.
Principle 5: A coherent paragraph will typically locate that point sentence in one of two places.

原則3：在某些固定的位置中介紹新主題和新的主題詞組。這些固定地方：句子的末尾，在段落，章節，或整個論文的開頭。

主題詞是有固定的位置的，如果放錯地方，這段文字就會很讓人迷惑，因爲讀者會誤解你接下來的內容。看下面的段落。

Seven out of eight reigns of the Romanov line after Peter the Great were plagued by some sort of palace revolt or popular revolution. In 1722, Peter the Great passed a law of succession that terminated the principle of heredity. He proclaimed that the sovereign could appoint a successor in order to accompany his idea of achievement by merit. This resulted in many tsars not appointing a successor before dying. Even Peter the Great failed to choose someone before he died. Ivan VI was appointed by Czarina Anna,but was only two months old at his coronation in 1740. Elizabeth, daughter of Peter the Great, defeated Anna, and she ascended to the throne in 1741.Succession not dependent upon authority resulted in boyars’ regularly disputing who was to become sovereign. It was not until 1797 that Paul I codified the law of succession: male primogeniture. But Paul I was strangled by conspirators,one of whom was probably his son, Alexander I.

在這一段句子裏面，根據主題應該會出現的位置，讀者一般認爲palace revolt or popular revolution 就是這一段的主題了，然而很遺憾，除了最後一段以外，根本就沒說到反抗和革命。認真看下去，才發現這一段的主題應該是關於，繼承，任命，動亂的。作者沒有把主題放在正確的位置，違反了原則3。

再仔細思考一下，一段話的開頭的結尾，似乎決定了整段話的走向，如果我們將上面例子的第一句話修改一下：

After Peter the Great died, seven out of eight reigns of the Romanov line were plagued by turmoil over disputed succession to the throne.

那麼這句話就是典型的topic sentence，它在stress處介紹了整個段落的內容。然而，其實更多情況下，我們需要寫多個的句子來介紹整個段落的內容（只有一個句子的topic sentence是不夠的）。爲此，我們介紹一種更加普適性的劃分方法。

Paragraph=Issue+Discussion

不管是段落還是章節還是整體，我們都可以將其劃分爲兩個階段：

1. 一個簡短的開頭部分。在這一部分的末尾放着主題，該主題是下面的段落將要討論的。（issue）
2. 一個長的跟隨的部分–剩餘的段落。這個部分作者會進行詳細論述（discussion）

事實上，issue+discussion 可以看做是subject+verb, topic+stress的推廣。

問題診斷與修改：當你發現一個段落混亂且不集中的時候，可能有以下幾個問題：

1. 在issue的結束之處，你給出了一個主題，但是在discussion中沒有討論這個主題。比如上面的palace revolt or popular revolution的例子。
2. 在issues處沒有給出你要discussion的主題
3. issue的結束部分並不是你要討論的主題
4. 你在issue中介紹了主題，但沒有放到結尾處。

接下來我們改一下上述的段落。

After Peter the Great died, seven out of-eight reigns of the Romanov line were plagued by turmoil over disputed succession to the throne. The problems began in 1722, when Peter the Great passed a law of succession that terminated the principle of heredity and required the sovereign to appoint a successor. But because many Tsars, including Peter, died before they appointed successors, those who sought to succeed to the throne had no authority by appointment, and so their succession was regularly disputed by the boyars and other interests. There was turmoil even when successors were appointed. In 1740, Ivan VI was adopted by Czarina Anna Ivanovna and appointed as her successor at age two months, but his succession was disputed by Elizabeth, daughter of Peter the Great, who defeated Anna and her forces before ascending to the throne in 1741. In 1797 Paul tried to eliminate these disputes by codifying a new law: succession on the basis of primogeniture in the male line. But turmoil continued. Paul was strangled by conspirators, one of whom was probably Alexander I, his son.

它作了幾處修正：將issue結尾處改爲了關於繼承，任命，動亂的內容。將discussion的內容與修正後的issue聯繫起來，可以看到多處用到了turmoil這個詞原本在原文是沒有的。將discussion沒有討論的內容從issue處刪除，比如palace revolt or popular revolution就刪掉了。

---

Principle 4: A reader will feel that a paragraph is coherent if she can read a sentence that specifically articulates its point.

當你從一個段落到一個新段落，每個讀者都希望能夠找到這個新段落的中心思想，稱爲point，也可以稱爲主題句。接下來就是一個缺少point的例子：

As you know, Abco is contemplating the possibility of entering into a cooperative venture with Janeway to develop an electronically controlled steering mechanism for our new line. Janeway has a long history of developing highly efficient hydraulic components including brake systems, frontend systems, and various types of stabilizing systems. We have found them entirely reliable and cost-effective. So far as I know, Janeway’s experience in developing electronic systems has primarily involved ignition and other engine components, not steering. The development of an electronic steering mechanism will depend on an innovative marriage of electronics and hydraulics.Edwards has recently marketed a hydraulic lift system that depends on electronic sensors to read terrain features and compensate for them. Their systems appear to have many of the features we will require in our steering mechanisms.

看完後其實你不知道他到底想要說什麼，然後開始吐槽: what’s the point? 如果這時候他告訴你，point就是

Abco should not cooperate with Janeway in developing a new steering system because Edwards has more technical expertise.

這時你就有「豁然開朗」的感覺。我們之所以需要point是因爲，讀者不是作者，讀者無法得知作者的意圖，因爲他沒有與作者一樣的經驗，沒有經歷作者的人生，怎麼可能知道作者在想什麼。

所以Point是一個揭示段落中心大意的句子，應該放在一個重要的位置上，即issue結束處或discussion的結尾處：

Principle 5: A reader will feel that a paragraph is coherent if he finds the POINT sentence in one of two predictable places in a paragraph:
(1) at the end of its issue, or
(2) at the end of its discussion; i.e., at the end of the paragraph (or section or whole document).

POINTS in Issues

第一種情況，point在issues中。該情況下，point所在的位置應該是issue的結束處，而且issues不能太長，不然，讀者很容易把靠前的句子當做point。

看一下這幾個例子，都是issue+discussion的段落，黑體部分就是issue的point：

Though most economists believe that business decisions are guided by a simple law of maximum profits, in fact they result from a vector of influences acting from many directions. When an advertiser selects a particular layout, for example, he depend snot only on sales expectations or possible profit but also on what the present fad is. He is concerned with what colleagues and competitors will think,beliefs about the actions of the FTC, concerns about Catholics or the American Legion, whether Chicanos or Italian-Americans will be offended, how the"silent majority" will react. He might even be worried about whether the wife or secretary of the decision maker will approve.

Our main concern was to empirically test the theory that forms the background for this work. To a great extent, we have succeeded in showing our theory is valid. Chapter Two reports a study which shows that the rate of perceiving variations in length relates directly to the number of connectives in the base structure of the text. In chapter Three, we report a study that found that subjects perceive as variable units only what the theory claims is a unit. Another series of crucial studies is the comparison and contrast experiments reported in Chapter Three, which show that we do not distinguish complex concepts of different lengths as some current theories do.

The United States is at present the world’s largest exporter of agricultural products. Its agricultural net balance of payments in recent years has exceeded 10 billion a year. As rising costs of imported petroleum and other goods have increased the U.S. trade deficit, this agricultural surplus has taken on great financial importance in both the domestic and international markets. First, agricultural exports maintain profitable market prices for the American farmer and bolster the national economy by providing over one million jobs. The income from farm exports alone is used to purchase about 9 billion worth of domestic farm machinery and equipment annually. Exports of U.S. agricultural products also reduce price-depressing surpluses. Without exports, the government would be subsidizing American farmers by more than $10 billion a year over the current rate. Finally, agricultural exports provide an entry to foreign markets that can be exploited by other industries.

上面的3個例子，point都在issue的結尾之處，那麼point前面的句子的作用是什麼？

1. 從前一段中過渡，給出一個general claim，然後在point中narrow it
2. 先給一個初步的claim，然後在point的反駁

下面的例子，句子（1）是一個general的claim，然後在第二句是point給出一個更具體的claim。

(1) We can put this abstract notion of issue in simpler terms. (2) Think of an issue as the overture to an opera, in which the composer announces the themes that he will repeat, modulate, combine, and develop in a variety of interesting ways.

而這個例子，第一句是一個觀點，然後在第二句的point中反駁。

(1) Most high school teachers think that good paragraphs must have a single topic sentence that introduces the paragraph. (2) But that is evidently not so because professional writers regularly introduce their paragraphs with two or more sentences.

POINTS at the ends of discussions.

第二種情況，point放在discussion的最後面。通常來說，在你想先充分論證然後再給出你的claim時，point會放到段尾。但是更一般的是，你想用這個段落來統領全文，而這個段落裏面的point就是你論文所不斷解釋，擴展的觀點，而且這段話也是你介紹整個論文的一段話，那麼point就應該放在段尾。

而這就涉及到一個Introductory Paragraphs的東西。看下面例子：

Man’s fascination with that move under their own power and control is at least as old as recorded history.In Aristotle’s Greece, plays of several acts are said to have been performed entirely by automatic puppets driven by weights hung on twisted cords. Much later European royalties were enthralled by lifelike automata that could write,draw, and play musical instruments. In recent years most of the magical aura surrounding mechanical automata has been dispelled. Today automatic machines and industrial robots are used in factories throughout the world to perform tasks that are too hazardous, too onerous, too boring or simply too uneconomic for human beings to undertake.

分析首先第一句話，他成功引入了topics and themes，關於 **history fascination machines move under their own power。**在discussion處，作者擴充了themes and topics, 給出了具體的歷史，機器，一直到現代的機器，然後最後一句話，給出了整段的point。這個段落裏，issue包含了一切在discussion將要討論的東西但point不在issue處。

小結

1. 如果你的段落是中間的段落，那麼point可以在issue結尾處，也可以在段落最後。
2. 如果你的段落是整個section甚至是整個論文的Introductory Paragraphs，那麼你的point一定要放在段落的最後。

POINTS in Whole Documents

最後一種情況，point放在整個文章的最後。這種情況在英語寫作中是比較少出現的。如果要這樣做，一個原則是，如果你要在全文的最後放一個point，那麼，你一定至少要給讀者提供一個anticipatory point.

You have asked me to determine the matter of Abco’s potential liability for the plaintiff’s injuries claimed as a result of his climbing Abco’s scaffolding. To determine Abco’s potential liability we must analyze four factors. They are (1) did Abco construct the scaffolding negligently; (2) did Abco provide adequate assembly instructions; (3) did plaintiff assemble the scaffolding according to the instructions; and (4) did the plaintiff use the scaffolding in a manner prescribed in the instructions?

這段話講的是討論原告因爲爬Abco的腳手架而受傷，Abco要付多少的責任。如果這是文檔的最後1句話，那麼這個是point，顯然是不對的，因爲他並沒有回答關鍵問題：Abco 是否有罪？但如果這不是文檔的最後一段話，那麼這個issue的最後4句話可以認爲是一個anticipatory point, 是一種minor point。

point放在最後，適用於以下幾種情況：

1. timidity or politeness，一般是你要說一個壞消息的時候，可以把結論放最後，不然放前面別人一看就不想看下去。然而其實很多人，不管是好還是壞消息都喜歡把point放前面。（比如你如果要說五一不應該放7天假，那你最好把這句話放到最後。。）
2. discovery： 當你認爲，推理point的過程與point一樣重要時，可以把point放在最後。
3. convention： 如果是約定成俗的話，可以
4. 注意在英語寫作中，point很少會放到最後的。

Concision

這部分是教把話說得簡明扼要，有6個原則：

1. 刪掉無意義的詞 Delete words that mean little or nothing.
2. 刪掉重複的詞 Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words.
3. 刪掉重複含義的詞 Delete words implied by other words.
4. 將短語替換成單詞 Replace a phrase with a word.
5. 否定換成肯定 Change negatives to affirmatives.
6. 刪掉無意義的形容詞和副詞 Delete useless adjectives and adverbs.

刪掉無意義的詞

這些無意義的詞一般都是潛意識加上去的：

Productivity actually depends on certain factors that basically involve psychology more than any particular technology.
Productivity depends on psychology more than on technology.

刪掉重複的詞

full and complete, hope and trust, true and accurate, each and every, hopes and desires, first and foremost, any and all, basic and fundamental, various and sundry.

都是同義重複，可以刪掉其中一個。

刪掉重複含義的詞

In my personal opinion, we must listen to and think over in a punctilious manner each and every suggestion that is offered to us.

首先觀點肯定是personal的，砍掉。其次，任何敘述默認都是opinion，所以in my opinion砍掉。 listen to and think over => consider. in a punctilious manner=> punctiliously =>carefully. Suggestion本來就能包括offer的意味，is offered to us砍掉。

we must carefully consider every suggestion.

更多的例子：

terrible tragedy, basic fundamentals, final outcome, various different, future plans, true facts, free gift, each individual, consensus of opinion

將短語替換成單詞

As you carefully read what you have written to improve wording and catch errors of spelling and punctuation, the thing to do before anything else is to see whether you could use sequences of subjects and verbs instead of the same ideas expressed in nouns.

carefully read what you have written => edit
the thing to do before anything else => first
use X instead of Y => replace
nouns instead of verbs => nominalizations
sequences of subjects and verbs => clauses

修正後
As you edit, first replace nominalizations with clauses.

短語儘可能用一個詞代替，雖然很難有一個統一的規則，但你總能夠找到一些能壓縮的短語的，以下是一堆例子：

Not the Negative

Don’t write in the negative.
Write in the affirmative

上面兩句話是一樣的，我們應該用Write in the affirmative，因爲這個句子顯得更簡潔，明白。儘量不要用否定句。一些可以替換的詞：

not many - few	did not stay - left	did not accept -rejected
not the same -different	not old enough -too young	not clearly - unclearly
not different -alike/similar	did not remember - forgot	not possible - impossible
did not -failed to	did not consider -ignored	not able - unable
does not have -lacks	did not allow -prevented	not certain - uncertain

將否定句修改爲肯定句的例子：

Disengagement of the gears is not possible without locking mechanism release.
To disengage the gears, first release the locking mechanism.

Payments should not be forwarded if there has not been due notification of this office.
Before you forward any payment , pontificate this office.

Except when applicants have submitted applications without appropriate documentation,benefits will not be denied.
To receive benefits, submit appropriate documents.

一些可能會出現否定的詞：
verbs: preclude,prevent, lack, fail, doubt, reject, avoid; deny, refuse, exclude, contradict,prohibit, bar, etc.
conjunctions: except, unless,provided, however; without, against, lacking, absent, but for.

如果你的句子滿足not … unless的模式，一般都可以用下面的公式進行修改：
X may **not **do Y unless/except/without doing Z.
X may do Y only if X does Z.
In order to do Y,X must do Z.

metadiscourse 冗餘

寫任何東西都需要metadiscourse ，但如果太多的話就會造成冗餘了。

比如，The last point I would like to make here is that in regard to men-women relationships, it is important to keep in mind that the greatest change shave probably occurred in the way men and women seem to be working next to one another.

黑體部分全都是廢話，刪掉之後：

Men and women have changed their relationships most in the way they work together.

Hedges and Emphatics

句子要寫得簡明的同時，還要寫得準確，而hedges就是讓句子變得更準確的詞。

How successfully we walk the rhetorical line between seeming timidity and arrogance depends on how we manage phrases like a good deal.

Hedge也是metadiscourse的一種，它是用於表達作者的信心的，寫作要求準確，不能誇大事實，hedge就是這麼一種描述信心的詞。hedge常用的詞：

usually, often,sometimes, almost, virtually, possibly, perhaps, apparently, seemingly,in some ways, to a certain extent, sort of, somewhat, more or less, for the most part, for all intents and purposes, in some respects, in my opinion at least, may, might, can, could, seem, tend, try, attempt, seek, hope.

於是同時，還有一種用於強調的詞。強調常用的詞：

as everyone knows,it is generally agreed that, it is quite true that, it’s clear that, it is obvious that, the fact is, as we can plainly see, literally, clearly,obviously, undoubtedly, certainly, of course, indeed, inevitably, very,invariably, always, key, central, crucial, basic, fundamental, major, cardinal,primary, principal, essential.

它們之間的平衡還是要靠各位自己把握了。

Length

一個作家不會寫長句，那跟鹹魚有什麼區別？

有很多的書，都會給你一條建議，「不要寫超過20個詞的句子」，某種程度上，這確實可以避免一些由於不會寫長句而造成的問題。

但是，長就一定不好嗎？當然不是，會寫長句的作者就像在鋼琴上舞蹈的精靈，優雅而不失深刻，怎麼把長句寫好就像一門藝術，它將打開通往作家的大門。

看看下面的這一個句子，沒錯就是一個句子。

Now if nature should intermit her course and leave altogether, though it were but for a while, the observation of her own laws; if those principal and mother elements of the world, whereof all things in this lower world are made, should lose the qualities which now they have; if the frame of that heavenly arch erected over our heads should loosen and dissolve itself; if celestial spheres should forget their wonted motions,and by irregular volubility tum themselves any way as it might happen; if the prince of the lights of heaven, which now as a giant doth run his unwearied course, should, as it were through a languishing faintness, begin to stand and to rest himself; if the moon should wander from her beaten way, the times and seasons of the year blend themselves by disordered and confused mixture, the winds breathe out their last gasp, the clouds yield no rain, the earth be defeated of heavenly influence, the fruits of the earth pine away as children at the withered breasts of their mother no longer able to yield them relief–what would become of man himself, whom these things now do all serve?

----Thomas Hooker, Of the Laws of Ecclesiastical Polity, 1594

雖然很多單詞不認識>_<，但是它的結構給人感覺非常清晰。那麼到底如何寫好長句？爲什麼有些句子讀着讀着有種透不過氣來的感覺。

If in reading one of your long sentences you feel that you are about to run out of breath before you come to a place where you can pause to integrate all of its parts into a whole that communicates a single conceptual structure [breathe], you have found a sentence, like this one, that your readers would likely want you to revise.

Or if your sentence, because of one interruption after another, seems to stop and start, your readers are, if they are typical, likely to judge that your sentence, as this one does, lurches from one part to the next.

針對長句的兩個診斷的方法：1.大聲的讀長句，如果你讀着讀着發現喘不過氣來，那麼這就是需要修改的句子。2.一個句子，讀起來感覺一直被打斷的，那麼也是要修改的句子。

總的來說一個長句寫得不好可以由以下3個原因導致的：

1. 主從句的主語要等很久才能遇到它的動詞
   （They have to wait too long to get to the verb in the main clause.）
2. 動詞之後要經過一段崎嶇的次級從句。
   （After the verb, they have to slog through a shapeless sprawl of tacked-on subordinate clauses.）
3. 句子不停被打斷。
   （They are stopped by one interruption after another.）

Long Openings

問題1：開頭太長
Since most undergraduate students change their fields of study at least once during their college careers, many more than once, first-year students who are not certain about their program of studies should not load up their schedules to meet requirements for a particular program.

句子快讀完了，才能到達這個句子主從句的動詞should not load up

建議1：句子儘快到達從句，但是如果不得不用since，because等詞開頭，那就寫得儘可能短。

First-year students SHOULD NOT LOAD UP their schedules with requirements for a particular program if they are not certain about the program of studies they want to pursue, because most CHANGE their major fields of study at least once during their college careers.

建議2：同時句子也應該儘快到達動詞和賓語。避免過長的主語，和避免打斷 subject-verb&verb-object

如果主語過長（超過7,8個詞），把主語的nominalization變成動詞：

× Abco Inc.’s understanding of the drivers of its profitability in the Asian market for small electronics helped it pursue opportunities in Africa.
✓ Abco Inc. was able to pursue opportunities in Africa because it understood what drove profitability in the Asian market for small electronics.

Movement and Momentum

寫一個句子，應該儘可能讓他不要被"打斷」，也就是要保證 subject-verb, verb-object這樣的結構是連貫的：

A semantic theory, if it is to represent in real-time terms on-line cognitive behavior must propose more neutrally plausible psychological processes than those described here.

這個句子一共被打斷了3次，第一次在讀完semantic theory的時候被if打斷了，同時開始屏息，然後represent又被in real-time terms打斷，此時氣不打一處來，接下來到達semantic theory的動詞 must propose 可以稍微喘息一下，但是緊跟着more neutrally plausible將動詞propose給打斷了，徹底斷氣。

這三處打斷，分別打斷了subject-verb，verb-object，verb-object。如果我們改寫一下，這句話就順暢了好多：
If a semantic theory is to represent online cognitive behavior in real-time terms, it must propose psychological processes more neutrally plausible than those described here.

再看更多句子被打斷的例子：

The accountant has given as accurate a projection as any that could be provided.
We are facing a more serious decision than what you described earlier .
A close relationship to the one just discovered is the degree to which similar genetic material to that of related species can be modified by different DNA chains from the ones first selected by Adams and Walsh.
Another course of action than the present one is necessary to accumulate sufficient capital to complete such projects as those you have described.

這裏的打斷都是這樣的：
as accurate . . . as any that could be provided
more serious . . . than what close
A close … to

我們可以通過將形容詞放在名詞之後來修正,這裏的祕密在於，把名詞放在前面，後面的內容變成一個從句，然後被打斷的部分就接上了：
The accountant has given a projection as accurate as any that could have been provided.
We are facing a decision more serious than what you described earlier.
A relationship close to the one just discovered is the degree to which genetic material similar to that of related species can be modified by DNA chains different from the ones first selected by Adams and Walsh.
A course of action other than the present one is necessary to accumulate capital sufficient to complete projects such as those you have described.

可以總結一下，當你看到下面這些形容詞就要小心了，因爲他們很可能會打斷你的flow，要把裏面的名詞，移到前面去：
more … than, less … than, other …than, as … as, similar … to, equal … to, identical … to, same … as,different … from, such … as, separate … from, distant … from, related… to, close … to, next … to, difficult … to, easy … to, necessary …to.

Coordination(排比)

另外一種寫長句的技巧，就是用排比句：

The Inventors of the United States decided that there would be no hereditary titles in God’s country. Although the Inventors were hostile to the idea of democracy and believed profoundly in the sacredness of property and the necessary dignity of those who owned it,they did not like the idea of king, duke, marquess, earl.

每個and都是一個並列的結構，從而形成排比句。

再欣賞一個排比句：

For the aspiring artist, the minor, the unfinished, or even the botched work, may be an instructive model for how things should—and should not—be done. For the amateur spectator, such works are the daily fare which provide good, honest nourishment—and which can lead to appreciation of more refined, or deeper pleasures.
—Eva Hoffman, 「Minor Art Offers Special Pleasures」

Resumptive Modifiers

接下來介紹三種modifier（修飾語）來幫助你寫一個長句。先說下，modifier是什麼。這是wiki的定義：

In grammar, a modifier is an optional element in phrase structure or clause structure. A modifier is so called because it is said to modify (change the meaning of) another element in the structure, on which it is dependent. Typically the modifier can be removed without affecting the grammar of the sentence. For example, in the English sentence This is a red ball, the adjective red is a modifier, modifying the noun ball. Removal of the modifier would leave This is a ball, which is grammatically correct and equivalent in structure to the original sentence.

modifier可以用於modify另一個元素的意義，但是去掉又不影響句子。比如This is a red ball. red就是modifier, 如果去掉red，This is a ball.句子還是完整的。

那麼這裏將要介紹的修飾語，就是通過用一個從句作爲修飾語來修飾前面的句子從而達到寫長句的目的，而這三種修飾語就是這個作爲修飾語的從句應該怎麼設計的問題。

在這裏，Resumptive Modifiers，就是將一個普通的modifiers，根據前文，重複一個的詞放在前面，使得這個從句變得更友好，因爲它顯式地把要修飾的內容提煉了出來，對比以下兩句話：

For several years the Columbia Broadcasting System created and developed situation comedies that were the best that American TV had to offer, such as "The Mary Tyler Moore Show"and 「All in the Family」 that sparkled with wit and invention.
For several years, the Columbia Broadcasting System created and developed situation comedies that were the best that American TV had to offer, comedies such as 「The Mary Tyler Moore Show」 and 「All in the Family,」 comedies that sparkled with wit and invention.

這個例子重複了前面的詞：comedies

再看一個例子：
It was American writers who found a voice that was both true and lyrical, true to the rhythms of the working man’s speech and lyrical in its celebration of his labor.

這裏true和lyrical也是重複了之前的元素

Summative Modifiers

如果沒有可以重複的元素，我們還可以自己總結一個元素，即Summative Modifiers。該技術可以修改非限定性定語從句，在which 前加一段小總結+that，從而讓你能夠把句子變長。同時這個技巧還能修復指代不清，產生歧義的問題。

In the last five years, European population growth has dropped to almost zero, which in years to come will have profound social implications.
In the last five years, European population growth has dropped to almost zero, a demographic event that in years to come will have profound social implications.

再看一個例子：

Scientists have finally unraveled the mysteries of the human gene, which may lead to the control of such dread diseases as cancer and birth defects.

Scientists have finally unraveled the mysteries of the human gene, a discovery that may lead to the control of such dread diseases as cancer and birth defects.

接下來，試試運用上面的方法，來將短句，變成一段長句：

In 1986, President Reagan proposed that federal and state employees voluntarily submit to blood and urine tests for drugs. The employees took the u.S. Government to court. They claimed that the order violated their Fourth Amendment rights. These rights protect us against unreasonable search and seizure. But without such programs of massive testing and mandatory treatment, drugs will continue to devastate our inner cities. They will also devastate suburbs and rural communities as well.At that point we will learn what it is like to live with drug addicts and with violent crime. It is a prospect that should frighten us all.

In 1986, President Reagan proposed that federal and state employees voluntarily submit to blood and urine tests for drugs. The employees took the u.s. Government to court, claiming that the order violated their Fourth Amendment rights, rights that protect us against unreasonable search and seizure. But without such programs of massive testing and mandatory treatment, drugs will continue to devastate not only the inner cities but suburbs and rural communities as well. At that point, we will all realize what it is like to live not only with drug addicts but with violent crime, a prospect that should frighten us all.

Free Modifiers

free modifier中的"free"他比較「自由」，既可以在開頭也可以在結尾。這個技巧是用V+ing或V+ed來引導後面的從句，常用V+ing，達到並列的作用。

Free modifiers resemble resumptive and summative modifiers, letting you extend the line of a sentence while avoiding a train of ungainly phrases and clauses.

也可以對比下面兩段話：

Socrates, who relentlessly questioned the very foundations of social and political behavior, forced his fellow citizens to examine the duty they owed to the laws of their gods and to the laws of their state and encouraged young people to question the authority of their elders while he maintained that he was only trying in his poor inadequate way to puzzle out the truth as best he could.

Socrates relentlessly questioned the very foundations of social and political behavior, forcing his fellow citizens to examine the duty they owed to the laws of their gods and to the laws of their state, encouraging young people to question the authority of their elders, maintaining all the while that he was only trying in his poor inadequate way to puzzle out the truth as best he could.

另外也可以V+ed，使用被動形式

Leonardo da Vinci was a man of powerful intellect, driven by an insatiable curiosity and haunted by a vision of artistic expression.

除了放結尾，也可以放開頭：

Driven by an insatiable curiosity, Leonardo da Vinci was

還能用副詞：

In 1939 the United States began to assist the British in their struggle against Germany, fully aware that it faced another world war.

Dangling Modifiers

這是個英文上的歧義問題。看下面的句子：

At the age of eight, my family finally bought a dog

修飾語 At the age of eight 顯得"搖搖欲墜", 因爲它跟看起來跟主從句的主語毫無關係，這個年齡可以是這個家庭在8歲的時候買了只狗，也可以是在這隻狗8歲的時候買了它。

一個修正方法是，my family, at the age of eight, finally bought a dog

Ambiguous Modifiers

另外一個錯誤是，讀者不知道修飾語在修飾什麼。

Overtaxing oneself in physical activity too frequently results in injury.

這裏，too frequently可能是說Overtaxing oneself在physical activity常常出現，也可能是說經常導致injury。

Overtaxing oneself too frequently in physical activity results in injury.
Overtaxing oneself in physical activity results too frequently in injury.

或者使用resumptive modifier來避免模糊不清

Perhaps there are relationships among the components of the process that would dictate one order rather than another.
Perhaps there are relationships among the components of the process, relationships that would dictate one order rather than another.

Elegance

優雅，這是通往偉大作品的必經之路，但是，這是一條每個人都不一樣的路，這裏只能列出他們共有的元素，卻無法教你如何組合他們成就偉大。

Balance and Symmetry

來欣賞一下對稱之美：

The national unity of a free people depends upon a sufficiently even balance of political power to make it impracticable for the administration to be arbitrary and for the opposition to be revolutionary and irreconcilable. Where that balance no longer exists,democracy perishes. For unless all the citizens of a state are forced by circumstances to compromise, unless they feel that they can affect policy but that no one can wholly dominate it, unless by habit and necessity they have to give and take, freedom cannot be maintained.

—Walter Lippmann

一個小技巧是，你可以用both X and Y,not only X but also Y, neither X nor Y 來幫助你形成這樣的排比句：

看一個neither nor的例子：

注意看上面這兩句話，這裏不僅neither nor是對稱的，vacuous和mindless，emotion /eroticism, daytime /nighttime,soap opera /sitcoms, artists /audiences, able /willing, create /support.，都是對稱的。就問你怕不怕…

Emphasis and Rhythm

句子的強調與韻律。

這句話如果用介詞介詞，可能會不夠力量，因爲介詞是個很弱的詞。

The intellectual differences among races is a subject that only the most politically indifferent scientist is willing to look into.

The intellectual differences among races is a subject that only the most politically indifferent scientist is willing to explore.

句子還可以使用nominalizations結尾，整個句子達到最高潮：

… until in God’s good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old.

他本可以這樣說，但就失去了力量：

… until in God’s good time, the powerful New World steps forth to liberate the old.

下面這兩段對比有點意思：用了比喻或隱喻的方法，將音樂和人生聯繫起來了，讀起來非常有代入感。而另外一個就純粹在說音樂，很單調。

The secret of the enjoyment of pleasure is to know when to stop … We do this every time we listen to music. We do not seize hold of a particular chord or phrase and shout at the orchestra to go on playing it for the rest of the evening; on the contrary, however much we may like that particular moment of music; we know that its perpetuation would interrupt and kill the movement of the melody. We understand that the beauty of a symphony is less in these musical moments than in the whole movement from beginning to end. If the symphony tries to go on too long,if at a certain point the composer exhausts his creative ability and tries to carry on just for the sake of filling in the required space of time, then we begin to fidget in our chairs, feeling that he has denied the natural rhythm,has broken the smooth curve from birth to death, and that though a pretense of life is being made, it is in fact a living death.

—Alan W. Watts, The Meaning of Happiness

Watts本可以這樣寫:

… however much we may like that particular moment of music, we know that its perpetuation would interrupt and spoil the movement of the melody … we begin to fidget in our chairs, feeling that he has denied the natural rhythm, has interrupted the regular movement from beginning to end, and that though a pretense of wholeness is being made, it is in fact a repeated end.

還有一個比喻的例子：

The schoolmaster is the person who takes the children off the parents’ hands for a consideration. That is to say, he establishes a child prison, engages a number of employee schoolmasters as turnkeys, and covers up the essential cruelty and unnaturalness of the situation by torturing the children if they do not learn, and calling this process, which is within the capacity of any fool or blackguard, by the sacred name of Teaching.
----G. B. Shaw, Sham Education

比喻在很多領域都能夠使用，比如：
歷史學家：

This is what may be called the common-sense view of history.History consists of a corpus of ascertained facts. The facts are available to the historian in documents, inscriptions, and so on, like fish on the fishmonger’s slab. The historian collects them, takes them home, and cooks and serves them in whatever style appeals to him. Acton, whose culinary tastes were austere, wanted them served plain … Sir George Clark, critical as he was of Acton’s attitude, himself contrasts the 「hard core of facts」 in history with the 「surrounding pulp of disputable interpretation」–forgetting perhaps that the pulpy part of the fruit is more rewarding than the hardcore.
-E. H. Carr, What Is History?

生物

Some of you may have been thinking that, instead of delivering a scientific address, I have been indulging in a flight of fancy. It is a flight, but not of mere fancy, nor is it just an individual indulgence. It is my small personal attempt to share in the flight of the mind into new realms of our cosmic environment. We have evolved wings for such flights,in the shape of the disciplined scientific imagination. Support for those wings is provided by the atmosphere of knowledge created by human science and learning:so far as this supporting atmosphere extends, so far can our wings take us in our exploration.
----Julian Huxley, "New Bottles for Old Wine,"Journal of the Royal Anthropological Institute

哲學家：

Quine has long professed his skepticism about the possibility of making any sense of the refractory idioms of intentionality, so he needs opacity only to provide a quarantine barrier protecting the healthy,extensional part of a sentence from the infected part.
–Daniel C. Dennett, 「Beyond Belief」 13

物理學家：

Whereas the lepton pair has a positive rest mass when it is regarded as a single particle moving with a velocity equal to the vector sum of the motions of its two components, a photon always has zero rest mass. This difference can be glossed over, however, by treating the lepton pair as the offspring of the decay of a short-lived photon like parent called a virtual photon.
–Leon M. Lederman, "The Upsilon Particle,"Scientific American

寫在最後

本文只是本人在讀《Style: Toward clarity and grace》和《Style: Lessons in clarity and grace》整理的一些筆記，難免有錯誤，歡迎指正。

最後給大家送上一句話：

任何實用性的書都不能解決該書所關心的實際問題。一本理論性的作品可以解決自己提出的問題。但是實際的問題卻只能靠行動來解決。當你的實際問題是如何賺錢謀生時，一本教你如何交朋友或影響別人的書，雖然可能建議你很多事，但卻不能替你解決問題。沒有任何捷徑能解決這個問題，只能靠你自己去賺錢謀生才能解決。

----Mortimer J. Adler

參考資料

Williams, Joseph M., and Gregory G. Colomb. Style: Toward clarity and grace. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1990.

Williams, Joseph M., and Gregory G. Colomb. Style: Lessons in clarity and grace. Vol. 565214475. Boston: Longman, 2010.

Schimel, Joshua. Writing science: how to write papers that get cited and proposals that get funded. OUP USA, 2012.

Josh Schimel - Writing Science: Framing the story: structure

A discussion on the book 「Writing Science」 by Joshua Schimel

Dangling_modifier-wiki

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