Habits of Considerate People

Habits of Considerate People
體貼人的八種習慣
哲學家亞瑟·叔本華曾經說過：「蠟之難得，在於燃燒本身溫暖他人，人之難得
，在於屈尊敬賢彬彬有禮」，事實的確如此。善意與體貼可以撫慰人心，讓別
人更容易接受你的想法。
Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer once said, 「Politeness is to human
nature what warmth is to wax.」 It’s true. Being kind and considerate
softens people and makes them malleable to your way of thinking.

不只如此，我以爲這句話還別有深意。他也在告訴咱們：體貼待人是人性不可或缺的重要
品質。查爾斯·達爾文必定會贊同這個觀點，由於他曾說過，比起自私，人類有着更增強烈
的本能，想去善待他人。
But I see another meaning there, too. I think he’s also saying that being
considerate of others is an integral part of what it means to be human. Charles
Darwin would have agreed. He argued that our instinct to be considerate is even
stronger than our instinct to be self-serving.

這看起來彷佛是明擺着的，但直到最近，神經科學才解釋出了箇中原因。加州大學伯克利
分校教授達沙·卡爾特納的研究代表，咱們看到別人經歷痛苦時的腦部反應，與咱們本身經
歷痛苦時別無二致。看到別人經歷痛苦，一樣會刺激咱們大腦深處負責照料行爲的結構—
—中腦導水管周圍灰質。
As obvious as that may seem, it’s only recently that neuroscience has been able
to explain why. Research conducted by Dacher Keltner at Berkeley showed that
our brains react exactly the same when we see other people in pain as when we
experience pain ourselves. Watching someone else experience pain also activates
the structure deep inside the brain that’s responsible for nurturing behavior,
called the periaqueductal gray.

體貼待人不只有利於咱們的職場生涯，並且對健康也大有裨益。當你對他人表示體貼，大
腦的獎賞中樞就會被觸發，釋放出更多使人愉悅的化學物質，如多巴胺、催產素和內啡肽
。這些物質讓你感受很好，相似於跑步運動員奮勇爭前後產生的愉悅感，並且全部這些催
產素都有利於你的心臟健康。
Being considerate of others is certainly a good career move, but it’s also good
for your health. When you show consideration for others, the brain’s reward
center is triggered, which elevates the feel-good chemicals dopamine, oxytocin,
and endogenous opioids. This gives you a great feeling, which is similar to
what’s known as 「runner’s high,」 and all that oxytocin is good for your heart.

體貼待人讓你走得更遠，勝於一切大學或專業文憑——瑪麗安·瑞特·埃德蒙
這句話聽着頗有道理，但可行性多高呢？咱們怎樣才能在身心忙碌的同時，利用有限的精
力表現的更加體貼呢？這其實不難，只要你能模仿這方面的佼佼者，養成如下幾個體貼人
的好習慣。
That’s all well and good, but how practical is it? How do you become more
considerate when you have so many other things competing for your finite mental
energy? It’s not that hard—all you have to do is emulate the habits of highly
considerate people.

一、準時到場
的確，咱們會被意外發生的事而延誤，可是常常遲到是一種很是粗魯的表現，由於它代表
的意思很明確：你的時間比任何人的時間都寶貴。即使你真的這樣想，也犯不着將其公之
於衆。相反，你應該考慮別人的感覺，在你承諾的時間點準時到場。
Show up on time.
Sure, sometimes things happen, but always showing up late sends a very clear
message that you think your time is more important than everyone else’s, and
that’s just rude. Even if you really do think that your time is more important, you
don’t have to broadcast that belief to the world. Instead, be considerate and
show up when you said you would.

二、主動表達同情
產生同情心是一回事，將這種情感轉化爲行動卻又徹底是另一回事。可以換位思考是一
件好事，事實上，也至關重要，可是這並不表明你很體貼。要作到這一點，你必須作到真
正設身處地的爲他人着想，而且付諸行動，給予安慰或者爲處於困境的人們提供實際幫助
。這須要足夠的情商才能作到。
Be deliberately empathic.
It’s one thing to feel empathy for other people, but putting that feeling into
action is another matter entirely. It’s great to be able to put yourself in someone
else’s shoes—in fact, it’s essential—but that doesn’t necessarily translate into
being considerate. To be deliberately empathic, you have to let your ability to
walk in their shoes change what you do, whether that’s changing your behavior
to accommodate their feelings or providing tangible help in a tough situation.
This requires emotional intelligence.

三、該道歉時就道歉
咱們都知道，人們廣泛缺少安全感，懼怕冒犯他人，有時候甚至會爲本身的呼吸而道歉。
在這種狀況下，道歉是沒有意義的。可是，在真正須要的時候，真誠的道歉將會意義非凡
。當你犯錯時，甚至自認爲犯了錯時，道歉就是一種表達體貼的重要方式。
Apologize when you need to (and don’t when you don’t).
We all know people who are so insecure or so afraid of offending someone that
they practically apologize for breathing. In such situations, apologizing loses its
meaning. But it’s a different matter entirely when a sincere apology is really
necessary. When you’ve made a mistake, or even think you’ve made a mistake,
apologizing is a crucial part of being considerate.

四、笑口常開
生理學告訴咱們，皺眉比微笑更容易，由於微笑的動做須要四十二個不一樣肌肉的配合。但
是這種努力是值得的，由於微笑對於他人來講每每意義非凡。人們在交談時，每每會天然
地（下意識地）去模仿對方的身體語言。當你衝對方微笑時，對方也會下意識的向你微笑
，這樣雙方都會感到輕鬆愉快。
Smile a lot.
Physically，it’s easier to frown than to smile—smiling involves 42 different
muscles; however, it pays to make the extra effort, as smiling has a huge effect on
other people. People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of
the person they’re talking to. When you smile at people, they will unconsciously
return the favor and feel good as a result.

五、舉止禮貌
不少人開始認爲，禮貌不只沒必要要，並且也不可取，由於他們認爲禮貌是出於虛僞。這些
人認爲，講禮貌只不過是在掩蓋本身心裏真實的想法，這實際上是一種很是錯誤的想法。 「
舉止禮貌」關注的是對方的感覺，而不是咱們自身的感覺。這是一種有意識的自覺行爲，
其目的是讓對方感到放鬆和溫馨。
Mind your manners.
A lot of people have come to believe that not only are manners unnecessary,
they’re undesirable because they’re fake. These people think that being polite
means you’re acting in a way that doesn’t reflect how you actually feel, but
they’ve got it backwards. 「Minding your manners」 is all about focusing on
how the other person feels, not on how you feel. It’s consciously acting in a way
that puts other people at ease and makes them feel comfortable.

六、情緒管理
在咱們的文化中，感覺和將感覺表達出來一般被認爲是一回事，這實際上是一個很是大的謬
誤，由於它忽視了自制力的存在。體貼的人即便本身任務繁重，也願意抽出時間幫助同事
，即便沒有獲得應有的回報，他們也會毫無怨言，不會將本身的感覺表現出來。
Be emotionally intelligent.
One of the huge fallacies our culture has embraced is that feeling something is
the same as acting on that feeling, and that’s just wrong, because there’s this
little thing called self-control. Whether it’s helping out a co-worker when
you’re in a crunch to meet your own deadline or continuing to be pleasant with
someone who is failing to return the favor, being considerate often means not
acting on what you feel.

七、力求共贏
在不少人看來，生活就是一場零和遊戲，有人贏就必定會有人輸。體貼的人，正好相反，
他們老是盡力去創造共贏的局面。雖然並非每次都能作到，可是這就是他們的目標。如
果你想變得更體貼，請珍視每一次的互動，而不要提早安排勝負的劇本。
Try to find a way for everybody to win.
Many people approach life as a zero-sum game. They think that somebody has to
win and somebody else has to lose. Considerate people, on the other hand, try to
find a way for everybody to win. That’s not always possible, but it’s their goal. If
you want to be more considerate, stop thinking of every interaction with others as
a win/lose scenario.

八、涉及他人需求的時候，跟着直覺走
當別人心情鬱悶、運氣很差的時候，咱們有時是能夠覺察到的。在這種狀況下，你應該主
動與當事人交流，以檢驗本身的直覺是否正確。若是直覺告訴你應該伸出援手，那麼就應
該付諸行動，他們將會從心底感激你的關心。
Act on your intuition when it comes to other people’s needs.
Sometimes you can just tell when someone is upset or having a bad day. In such
cases, being considerate means checking in with them to see if your intuition is
correct. If your intuition is telling you to reach out—do it; they’ll appreciate your
concern.

 

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7 Tips To Help You Make Key Decisions
七個小步驟幫你作最重要的決定

作決定有時候讓人頭疼。不少時候，當咱們面對艱難的抉擇之時，咱們都但願
能有一個對錯異常分明(clear right and wrong)的選擇。但現實中並無這樣分明的選擇，並且當事人老是讓事情進一
步複雜化。那麼在平常生活中咱們應該如何正確應對這些情形呢？這裏有幾個
小步驟能夠幫助咱們輕鬆作出選擇。
Decisions suck sometimes. Many times when we’re in the midst of a
difficult decision, we expect there to be a clear right and wrong choice.
But there isn’t. People involved always complicate the matter further.
How in the world do we navigate these situations in our day-to-day
lives? Here are a few tips.

跳出溫馨區
Do The Opposite Of What’s Comfortable

這樣作咱們超過一半的決定中所面臨的不肯定性就會消除。就個人經歷而言，
這一點尤爲重要，由於若是我待在溫馨區內，十有八九我不會踏上那條改變我
生命軌跡的跨國旅途。
This will knock out the uncertainty in more than fifty percent of your
decisions. It’s especially true for my life, because if I had done what
felt comfortable to me, I probably would’ve never went on a crosscountry road trip that changed my life.

我家鄉的不少人都選擇過安逸的生活。前幾天某個晚上，我看見中學相識的十

幾個老同窗從酒吧走出來。我想他們是毫不會離開家鄉的。
Too many people in my hometown choose to stay comfortable. I was
out at the bar the other night and saw dozens of people that I used to
know from high school. They never left home I guess.

面對未知的事物，放棄（forsake）溫馨感是很難的，但我敢打賭（wager），
十有八九（9 times out of 10）這是正確的選擇。
It’s hard to forsake comfort for the unknown, but I’d wager that 9
times out of 10, it’s the right way to go.

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